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Welcome to Shambhavi's Diary
Follow the adventure of a (not so) typical Indian student.

Tension

Posted on: Mar 28, 2013

Psychology, Mental Disorders, Micro Economics, Macro Economics, Social Problems, Women Rights, WTO and many more topics gave me mini heart attacks as I read them again and again.

Wait, let's check. I have one week to go and I have to learn all of this? Was it humanly possible? I tried to calm myself down as I sat down in front of my study table at 1 a.m. Yes, I was going to have another long night ahead, I reminded myself.

I knew that all my friends were in similar situations. And I'm sure that students in all streams would be sitting in front of their study tables just now and facing the minor trauma that I was facing. And however much I study or read or write down, I always tend to worry like this, a week before my first Board paper.

These were going to be six very important papers in my life. They were going to decide my university and were going to broaden my horizons if I did well. And I knew that I had to do well no matter what. Not because my parents wanted me to, or because my relatives' expectations rose by each day, or because of my competitive attitude against my peers. It was because I wanted to do something that would satisfy me. That's what matters in the end, right? That what you do must satisfy you. Then it may be scoring good marks in an exam or playing a sport that makes you feel happy. It all comes down to what you want from yourself and if you are willing to make the effort that will achieve your goal.

That's why, even while studying, do not think of it as a compulsion or a need, think of it as a desire, a want. Do something that you want to do, something that makes you feel happy, something that's going to help you reach your ultimate goal. Because tomorrow, when results are out and you have to decide something about your future, it's going to be on you, not on anyone else.

When I was in 11th, I was pretty sure about what I wanted to do, what subjects I had an affinity for and what it was that I wanted. But now that I'm here, just two months away from deciding which direction to take my life in, I have no clue where I stand and where I want to reach. And this is quite natural, quite possible for everyone to face. I got familiar with more opportunities that might have interested than they did before, and which might offer a better future. So, it is okay to not be definite about things at the age of 16, you are bound to make wrong decisions. And who will decide what's wrong and right, well, you decide that. Not your parents, relatives or your friends.

So, as I sat in front of my study table with my portion in my hand, I thought of this, I thought of all possibilities and knew that my main goal just now was only to study, work hard, do my best and think of a bright future. And of course, it might be very easy for someone to sit at their desk and make such statements, but it's rather difficult to get it into action, that's where the real challenge is! And once you get through that obstacle, everything is going to be an easy job for you. Tension is taken by every teenager, and tensions give you nothing but excessive stress and affect your health and studies negatively. So smile instead and keep your mind and heart at peace. When they're aware of themselves, you don't have any reason to be afraid of anything.

As I was about to end this reality check with myself, I checked the watch again, and it was 2 a.m. already. I picked up the sheet of paper on which I had done all sorts of statistics and was trying to guess my percentage and how much more I would have to do. I saw it, smiled, crumpled it and threw it under my desk. I then removed the Economics question paper from last year and started solving it. That's when I was sure about my goal and had all blurred images forming the perfect clear picture.

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